The Weight of Life

The things that I carry are to prepare myself for life. On days that I don't have school, I usually travel lite--just carrying the key items I need to carry out through my days. This includes the keys to my car and house, my phone, and my wallet. My wallet, of course, holding my money, my driver's license, and my International Thespian Society ID card. I've questioned why I actually care to carry this card with me, but I've realized that it is just as much a part of my identity as my driver's license is, which is why I continue to keep it with me, despite it being another thing to keep track of.

On school days I have to carry much more with me--but those days are typically more difficult. There is much more preparation needed to be ready for school, so I must carry more with me as a result. I carry the gray bag that I've had for about two years. This contains just about everything I need to get through each school day: black pens, red pens, pencils, notebooks of varying sizes, a calculus textbook, color-assorted folders, binders--one blue and the other white--and a sketchbook for my art class. I've tried to minimize this load as much as I could, but everything I have is necessary for my personal needs.

But on top of what I carry physically, is what I carry with me mentally. For a while, I carried with me a crippling fear of public speaking and interaction. Along with this was a desire to have an impact on people through entertainment--these two things came together and helped weigh me down enough to prevent any significant progress to be made in my life. But to make things easier on myself, I let go of these mental objects; I conquered my fear of public speaking and as a result, I have relieved myself in the regard that I can now express myself and entertain others. Lifting this cumbersome burden has made it easier to walk forward in life and I feel that I have finally started to make progress in becoming the person I was meant to be.

Although I have faced my most impactful mental nuisance, others still remain. The first is the very irrational fear that I may someday revert back to my old ways. I say this is irrational because I know it will never happen--I don't have to try to be myself anymore, so I don't think I can just accidentally roll back some day--but I fear digression because of how much better my life has been.

In addition to this is my fear of being forgotten. Life is a stage, and for someone who believes their purpose is to help others through entertainment, possibly my biggest fear is to one day vanish from everyone's conscience. Not only would this mean that I have not properly fulfilled my purpose in life, but it would also simply mean that I am a thing of the past and no longer matter. One day, after I have taken my final bows and curtain call, I would like to continue to live on through my work. In other words, I want others to carry part of me with them. Something that I have said or done that can help make their field of problems easier to tread through.

The things we carry are evergrowing burdens on our lives. Most of us wish we wouldn't have to carry anything at all, but sometimes we have to lug around things we don't want to in order to be prepared for what lies ahead. The older we are, the more we tend to carry with us; whether it's items for work or memories from times past, we carry more with us as we cross bridges and winding roads of life. But what happens when these burdens are too great? Do we just give up? Or is it better to fight through and keep going? Sometimes, in order to keep moving, we need to let some things go--to lighten the load. This could be leaving some things at home or learning to move on from negative experiences. But that is exactly why non-physical objects weigh more than physical ones. Oftentimes, we may try to forget about something and possibly do a decent job, but many things are beyond our control and live on as memories. Life is tough for everyone; sometimes it's hard to push against the weight and keep yourself off the ground. It is up to us to decide how we cope with what we carry and either get busy living or get busy dying.