Skool is 4 Chumps: A Comparison of a First and Last Day of School
First Day of School
It was around eight o'clock in the morning and my mother had just finished getting me ready. She had helped me get dressed, she combed my hair, packed my bag and lunch, and made me breakfast. All of this while giving me what seemed like a never-ending pep talk. She kept telling me how big I was getting and constantly reminded me how important this day was and how proud she was of me. I remember her being particularly patient that morning, doing anything she could to ease my crippling fear of leaving her for the first time. After her words of encouragement, we went outside and made our way into her SUV. She had helped buckle me into my booster seat and placed my Lego-themed backpack on the seat next to me before she got herself settled in the driver's seat.
Upon arriving at the school, we were greeted by my school's principal; a tall and skinny old man with a lite beard and glasses. He held the door open for us and told us that the teachers were just about ready to open their doors. My mother, carrying my backpack for me, led the way down the hallway and to the door of my classroom, where other parents were already waiting with their children. During these few minutes outside, I just looked around in awe at my unfamiliar surroundings. Large cork bulletin boards and inspirational posters were plastered all over the white cinder block walls, one of the posters that read, "Think BIG!" was hung over my classroom door. Before any of us knew it, my teacher had unlocked her door and let the parents and anxious students inside the room.
By the time my mother and I entered the room, most of the other students had already made their way to the far corner where there were wooden blocks and other toys waiting for them. I, however, stayed back with my mom and hid behind her legs as the teacher went over the day's schedule with the parents.
Everything was fine until my mother left. When she did, I almost immediately started hysterically crying. I placed my head down on my desk and stared at the darkness. It wasn't long until my teacher came over to me and asked what was wrong. Struggling to get the words out of my mouth, I told her that I was scared and wanted my mom. She then tried to comfort me by formally introducing herself and assuring me that there was nothing for me to be afraid of. The day ended with me, still watery-eyed, sitting next to my teacher as she read a story to the class.
Last Day of School
I pulled into my usual parking space at the school and put my car in park. I got out of my car, took out my now nearly empty backpack, swung it over my shoulder and locked my car behind me. I stood next to my car for a second and stared at the school in front of me. Today would be the day that I would be forced to leave behind all of my high school experiences, both good and bad. There was always the stress of frantically writing essays and doing piles of homework, being deprived of sleep and being bored in class from time to time, but part of me didn't want to leave this place. Some of my fondest memories were made here, this is where I made some of my closest friends and this is where I grew into the person I was now.
As our half-day began to come to a close, we had a yearbook signing during lunch. Standing off to the side of the lunchroom, I was able to clearly see the mixture of emotions present among the crowds of students. There, I saw students crying, cherishing some of their last moments with their best friends and reminiscing about old times together. They were hugging, laughing, and smiling as they signed each other's yearbooks and said their final goodbyes. Seeing this made me realize something I hadn't thought of until that very moment. We weren't just classmates, we were a family. Although we had our differences along the way, we got through our last four years here together.
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As the final bell rang that day, I just froze in my seat. I wanted to leave. I really did, but something inside me made me want to stay. Seeing all of my friends and classmates around me, sharing their emotions made me want to go back and cherish the moments we had throughout the years. It hurt me inside to know that I couldn't do this, but life goes on.
It was around eight o'clock in the morning and my mother had just finished getting me ready. She had helped me get dressed, she combed my hair, packed my bag and lunch, and made me breakfast. All of this while giving me what seemed like a never-ending pep talk. She kept telling me how big I was getting and constantly reminded me how important this day was and how proud she was of me. I remember her being particularly patient that morning, doing anything she could to ease my crippling fear of leaving her for the first time. After her words of encouragement, we went outside and made our way into her SUV. She had helped buckle me into my booster seat and placed my Lego-themed backpack on the seat next to me before she got herself settled in the driver's seat.Upon arriving at the school, we were greeted by my school's principal; a tall and skinny old man with a lite beard and glasses. He held the door open for us and told us that the teachers were just about ready to open their doors. My mother, carrying my backpack for me, led the way down the hallway and to the door of my classroom, where other parents were already waiting with their children. During these few minutes outside, I just looked around in awe at my unfamiliar surroundings. Large cork bulletin boards and inspirational posters were plastered all over the white cinder block walls, one of the posters that read, "Think BIG!" was hung over my classroom door. Before any of us knew it, my teacher had unlocked her door and let the parents and anxious students inside the room.
By the time my mother and I entered the room, most of the other students had already made their way to the far corner where there were wooden blocks and other toys waiting for them. I, however, stayed back with my mom and hid behind her legs as the teacher went over the day's schedule with the parents.Everything was fine until my mother left. When she did, I almost immediately started hysterically crying. I placed my head down on my desk and stared at the darkness. It wasn't long until my teacher came over to me and asked what was wrong. Struggling to get the words out of my mouth, I told her that I was scared and wanted my mom. She then tried to comfort me by formally introducing herself and assuring me that there was nothing for me to be afraid of. The day ended with me, still watery-eyed, sitting next to my teacher as she read a story to the class.
Last Day of School
As our half-day began to come to a close, we had a yearbook signing during lunch. Standing off to the side of the lunchroom, I was able to clearly see the mixture of emotions present among the crowds of students. There, I saw students crying, cherishing some of their last moments with their best friends and reminiscing about old times together. They were hugging, laughing, and smiling as they signed each other's yearbooks and said their final goodbyes. Seeing this made me realize something I hadn't thought of until that very moment. We weren't just classmates, we were a family. Although we had our differences along the way, we got through our last four years here together.
.jpg/640px-Big_Fat_Meanie_(picture).jpg)
As the final bell rang that day, I just froze in my seat. I wanted to leave. I really did, but something inside me made me want to stay. Seeing all of my friends and classmates around me, sharing their emotions made me want to go back and cherish the moments we had throughout the years. It hurt me inside to know that I couldn't do this, but life goes on.
I think you did a really good job and throughout the entire piece the reader can really get a sense of your voice. I like how you told it in past tense because if you had done it in present it may have been a bit less effective considering you chose to write the first day of kindergarten (I think? Maybe preschool?) and a child's comprehension is very different from a high schooler's. However it may have been more contrasting to write in present tense because it would give you the chance to write from a younger perspective or mindset, and use a very contrasting diction. Overall the storyline, language, and description flowed well, and it has a clear structure. It's also very realistic but still imaginative. I'd give you band 2 :)
ReplyDeleteI thought the structure in both of these were really good. I enjoyed how the first one was past tense and the second was was in the present tense as this allowed for a more creative effect. I also thought language use was well done but it could have been improved if you described the setting with more descriptive language that conveyed mood. There was definitely clear voice in both and a variety in sentence structure. I'd give you a high band three for this overall. Well done Politi!
ReplyDeleteI also thought words such as "cherish" and "hysterically crying" contrasted eachother quite well.
DeleteHello Politi, Brenden ($) speaking. Overall I actually I think you did a pretty amazing job. I really liked how creative is was which gave me relief as I didn't have to read another generic blog. I also agree with the comments above me when they say that they liked the way you did some of it in past tense while other parts were done in present tense. I also like the way you portrayed you're voice and mood. Overall I would give this a band two. Well done. PELICAN
ReplyDeleteAnthony,
ReplyDeleteYour blog was really good! If I were to grade this according to the AICE rubric, I would grade you a high band 3 marking 17. Your structure throughout the blog was very neat and clear. The places where you went into description yoou did a really good job and I could picture what you were saying. The mood you set in your last day part was a lot more present than when you wrote about the first day which does make sense saying you wrote about when you were younger. Overall I thought you did a really good job!
I'd give this a band 2. This was a pretty imaginative approach to the task, because most people jump straight to high school since that's what we're all in. It was appropriate to the audience because we probably all relate to this. It engages interest in the beginning because you don't expect to start with a young child, and when you use such strong language as "crying hysterically" it catches the reader's attention. The voice is also strong, you can hear a nervous little kid in the beginning, and an apprehensive teen in the end.
ReplyDeleteThe structure was also good, though the purpose isn't as clear to me, unless t was to make the readers nervous for the future in which case you achieved it.
yeehoo boi,
ReplyDeleteThis was a beautiful piece. Your writing tied together with SpongeBob was so good. The structure of this blog flowed nicely. Your descriptions were amazing, like when you wrote about the "skinny old man with a light beard and glasses". I agree with Nicole on the point that the voice is very strong. I could hear the contrasting voices of a little boy to a young adult. You did a very good job at setting the mood and describing the surroundings. You did make VERY minimal grammar errors, but they definitely do not take away from your writing. I would give this piece a band 2. Nice job!!
:-) hamburger
I'm very impressed, honestly I can't find anything wrong. The voice and resulting descriptions and mood were extremely well done. The details put me there not only physically but into the character's mind. It felt like you had more words than you actually did. It was all great I could see where either you or the character were, especially in the second half on the last day. Definitely a band 2 and I hesitate to say band 1 because of some vague language that I'm not quite sure if it applies here.
ReplyDeleteAnthony,
ReplyDeleteI liked how you wrote about the very first, and very last day of school. This was very well written, and had great structure, purpose, and descriptive language. You have a very distinct mood and tone throughtout the post as well. The only critisism that I have is that the ending to your first day seemed a bit abrupt and out of place, but besides that, both parts were great. I rate this a band 1-2.